well, it's been 3 weeks since lil guy came into the world and then went to be with Jesus.  Some days are better than others, and others are so hard.  Our family and friends have been so supportive and encouraging.  I would say that we have all been brought closer to each other in this sad and painful experience. 

Some of the things i have gotten to do while spending time with family/friends are:

Mani/Pedi's day ( pix to come once i figure out how to do it),  Lunch at Starry Nites on Alexander, Visited the George Eastman House, Game nite-which normally i would like, but i was in a funk that day-maybe we'll have to do another one soon, Dinner with Dad & Ruth, It was so nice to visit with my sister while she was in town, Lunch with a lady from church - Nancy, Visited my sweet Sister in law and 1 1/2 year old nephew ( big step-first time since this happened) and i LOVED it!  he is so adorable, we got him on a sugar high with some stuff we got from Starbux, We're (Steve's dad and Steve) building an awning on the back of the house, we planted/started a Memorial Garden for Lil Guy in the backyard, I had breakfast and dinner with Delia-my friend of THIRTY years!!  (now that says aLOT).

I have read a few books on grief and i know that i am doing things according to how "they" say people grieve, and i allow myself to grieve, if i wanna cry-i cry, if i wanna laugh, oh you betcha i am gonna, i am taking care of me, while trying to make others feel good as well.  I don't want people to shy away from me because of this...I am not thinking inside (with only one exception that i feel justified for-not gonna get into it here) why did they say that?  I welcome anything anyone has to say.  So many people even tho this is the first time they have ever had to go through this-and yes i know it wasn't just Steve and I that are going through this. They/You have made us feel so comforted and loved and that is the best feeling in the world when you're going through something like this.

I go to see Junior nearly every day.  He's prolly saying MAMA! don't you have something else to do?  I just can't stay away from my precious baby and even tho i know i can't hold him here on earth, i know that i am a BETTER mama than i could ever be here on earth...I will never have to say no no Junior, no no.  he will never know disappointment, hurt, pain, all the problems going on in our society, he will only know LOVE.  and by golly he is SOOOOO loved!!

Ok those are my thoughts for today.  If you're reading this....Thank you for your love and know that You are loved as well!