Friday, 10 April 2009

• for sensitive eyes...this may be hard to read..

  a blank page before me....what do i write...so many thoughts wriling around in there.  a week ago today-April 3, 2009, at 742am i gave birth to a perfect baby boy.  Steven Charles Sutton, Jr.  he weighed 2 lbs, 4 oz and was 15 "long.  He was born 2 months early. This is going to be a day we will never forget as...as perfect as he was, growing inside me, We had to then give him back to God.

  I am feeling so many things on a daily basis, at first was why?  no way, he's not gone, he's right here.  I can feel him.  I have heard this one phrase a few times this past week and i definitely feel that is the truth.  The difference between joy and sorrow can be measured by...a heartbeat.  Oh do i know the truth of that.  I loved hearing that lil guys heartbeat every time i went to the doctor.

  It's been a long week.  One that will probably be hard every year in April.  I have to keep reminding myself that God knows the reason for this and good is going to come out of this.  For now -we're taking it one day at a time.  Some days i am ok one minute and a wreck the next.  Little things that normally wouldn't get to me, all of a sudden do more than ever.

  I have an amazing family and great friends that are helping us through this, even tho most of them are grieving over the lil guy themselves...Everyone has been so wonderful and caring and have been awesome. 

  I just know that we will see Junior again when we get to Heaven and for now all his grammies/grampies/relatives that have gone before us are babysitting him, and Jesus is as well.  :)   I can only imagine how Junior must feel getting his bedtime stories read to him while looking into the eyes of ..Jesus!

  We go to see him as often as we can....his gravesite is not far from us, once i get to where i can walk better/easier, i am thinking i will walk up to see him :)

  I hope this wasn't too hard for some of you to read, I just needed to get some thoughts out ....

  **love u lil guy! :)  smooch  xoxo

  ~Steph

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